I Will Remember You
by jalana
Summary: Songfic series. Elaborates the thoughts and feelings of the RK characters at the beginning of the Kyoto Arc.
1. I Will Remember You

I Will Remember You  
  
by jalana  
  
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Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the copyrighted property of Watsuki Nobuhiro. I am in no way claiming any aspect of it for my own. The words and music of the song "I Will Remember You" are by Sarah McLachlan, Seamus Egan, and Dave Merenda. The song was recorded by Sarah McLachlan for Arista Records.  
  
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**SPOILERS**This story is set in the Kyoto/Shishio arc, and will have references to a character from the OAVs.  
  
~~...~~ song lyrics  
  
~*~...~*~ flashback  
  
'...' thoughts  
  
"..." dialogue  
  
  
  
~~  
  
I will remember you.  
  
Will you remember me?  
  
Don't let your life pass you by,  
  
Weep not for the memories.  
  
~~  
  
'Ten years. It's been ten years.'  
  
Himura Kenshin looked around at the surrounding farmland and sighed. 'I never thought I would walk this road again.'  
  
He shifted his bag on his shoulder as he stared pensively at the long unwinding road ahead of him. It had been easy for him to fall back into his wandering rurouni routine. Surprisingly easy. Disturbingly easy. Already, his life in Tokyo seemed to fade into the semblance of a vague dream. The closer he got to Kyoto, the more Kenshin felt the need to distance himself from the pleasant memories of...  
  
The sound of footsteps behind him caused Kenshin to instinctively tighten his grasp on the hilt of his sakabatou. 'Has Shishio found me already? He shifted his weight slightly and prepared to turn around.  
  
"Okaasan, look at that sword!" The young voice sounded excited. Kenshin slowly relaxed his grip and began to walk down the road again. "Is it real, 'kaasan?"  
  
"Hush, dear, we need to hurry and get home." Kenshin's eyes closed briefly at the nervousness he heard in the woman's voice and his steps faltered slightly. All around him, people were keeping their distance, wary of the sword he carried. His sharp ears could hear the whispers as he proceeded through the countryside.  
  
"It's a katana...a samurai, here?"  
  
"Doesn't that boy know swords are outlawed in this day and age?"  
  
"Better stay away..."  
  
"It's the Meiji era, what need do we have for swords?"  
  
Kenshin winced at the disapproval apparent in their voices, but kept walking.  
  
~~  
  
I'm so tired,  
  
I can't sleep,  
  
Standin' on the edge  
  
Of something too deep.  
  
It's funny how we feel so much  
  
But we cannot say a word.  
  
We are screaming inside,  
  
Oh, we can't be heard.  
  
Chorus:  
  
I will remember you.  
  
Will you remember me?  
  
Don't let your life pass you by,  
  
Weep not for the memories.  
  
~~  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"So, did you say good-bye to your girlfriend?" Saitoh Hajime sneered, the smoke from his cigarette forming a wreath above his head as they stood in the middle of the dark street.  
  
Kenshin glared at the policeman, a sudden amber light in his eyes. His heart, however, gave a curious jump. 'Girlfriend...' Part of his mind stayed on the young woman who had come to mean so much to him, even as he conversed with Saitoh.  
  
'Kaoru-dono...' cried a small corner of his heart. 'I am sorry for causing you pain.' The hurt in her eyes had upset him deeply, more than he had thought possible. He had taken her in his arms, partly to block out the sight of those eyes, but also because he couldn't bear the thought of leaving without holding her at least once. The feel of her slender frame against him had weakened his resolve, enough so that the glimpse of Kaoru's tears as he pulled away almost destroyed his determination to leave. Walking away from her had been one of the hardest things he had to do.  
  
'Put her out of your mind, Himura,' he admonished himself. 'You said your good-byes.' Yet his heart didn't seemed inclined to obey his mind, as the sight of Kaoru's tears froze in his memory.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Kenshin blinked as he entered the shade-filled woods. He stood for a moment, allowing his eyes to adjust to the different light. It had been impossible for him to keep from thinking about her during his journey. His mind had a tendency to wander back to the Kamiya dojo, back to her smile and the sound of her voice calling his name. And no matter what he tried, his thoughts would inevitably return to the remembered sight of Kaoru surrounded by fireflies.  
  
'I may not get the chance to return to Tokyo. Why couldn't I tell her my feelings when I had the chance?' Kenshin shook his head ruefully, as he mentally listed the numerous reasons why he had kept silent. Topping the list, of course, was his blood soaked past.  
  
'Coward.' Kenshin blinked, taken aback at scorn invested in that single word. It had been too much to hope that HE would have remained hidden, buried in the depths of his psyche. 'Why this much turmoil over one silly girl?'  
  
'Kaoru-dono is NOT silly.' He smiled slightly at the incongruous adjective. Kamiya Kaoru was many things, but silly was not a word one used to describe her. His smile grew, as he realized the strangeness inherent in arguing with oneself over an adjective.  
  
'Hmph...you can't even call her by her name in your own thoughts!' The quiet inner voice sounded exasperated. 'Why don't you just admit it? You're scared.'  
  
'Scared of what?'  
  
'Of opening your heart to someone again. Of getting hurt again.'  
  
'...That's...not true...'  
  
Even as Kenshin denied that claim, another voice resonated in his mind, sending a slight chill down his spine. '...a rain of blood...'  
  
~~Verse 2~~  
  
So afraid to love you,  
  
More afraid to lose.  
  
I'm clinging to a past  
  
That doesn't let me choose.  
  
Where once there was a darkness,  
  
A deep and endless night,  
  
You gave me everything you had,  
  
Oh, you gave me life.  
  
~~  
  
The image of a beautiful young woman floated into his mind, along with the half-forgotten fragrance of white plum blossoms. 'Tomoe...'  
  
He remembered their life together, as a medicine maker and his wife. Remembered other fragments of their past, etched into his soul. 'I will protect your happiness,' he had promised her. 'You are the sheath for my katana.'  
  
'You really make it a rain of blood.'  
  
Her face, so calm and peaceful. Her slender frame cradled in his arms. The rare, gentle smile on her lips as she touched his wounded cheek. The smile that stayed on her face even as she breathed her last.  
  
'Tomoe...I couldn't save you. When you died, I swore never to kill again.'  
  
'What about Shishio?' his inner voice accused 'Will you forget how Okubo Toshimichi died? Will you let him destroy what the Ishin Shishi fought for? What WE fought for?'  
  
'I will NOT kill! I am no longer you!' Kenshin retorted. A sense of desperation rolled over him.  
  
'Ah, but you need me. Isn't that ironic?' The Battousai replied humorlessly. 'Stop fighting it. This is the reason you left your...friends...behind, isn't it?'  
  
Kenshin's step faltered. His thoughts turned once again to the Kamiya dojo, and his friends. The faces of those he cared for drifted through his mind. Ayame and Suzume, helping him with the laundry. Yahiko, practicing his exercises in the dojo. Sanosuke and Megumi, quarreling at the dinner table. Kaoru and Megumi, bickering over a comment the lady doctor had made. Kaoru, yelling at Yahiko and chasing him around the courtyard. Kaoru, smiling at him when he came back from an errand.  
  
'Sagara Sanosuke. Myojin Yahiko. Takani Megumi. Kamiya Kaoru.' He ran through the names like a litany, a prayer against the encroaching darkness, strengthening his resolve. 'No matter what happens,' he vowed to himself, 'I will remember all of you and what our friendship has meant to me. Thank you for allowing this unworthy one a moment of peace. It may be the Hitokiri Battousai who is needed in Kyoto, but I will do my best to return as the rurouni you took in.'  
  
With that thought firmly in place, Himura Kenshin steeled his heart and lengthened his strides. Kyoto...and Shishio Makoto...waited for him.  
  
~~Chorus~~  
  
I will remember you.  
  
Will you remember me?  
  
Don't let your life pass you by,  
  
Weep not for the memories.  
  
~~  
  
  
  
Notes:  
  
1) Well, what did you think? Comments & suggestions are welcome! 


	2. Here With Me

My thanks to those who reviewed 'I Will Remember You.' I wasn't going to continue with this fic, since I thought it was more or less a stand-alone story. However, Hana Himura got me thinking about what else I could do with this, so here it is! Sorry it's so short...  
  
  
  
Here With Me  
  
by jalana  
  
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DISCLAIMER: Rurouni Kenshin is the copyrighted property of Watsuki Nobuhiro. The words and music of the song "Here With Me" are by D. Armstrong, P. Statham, and P. Gabriel. The song was recorded by Dido for Arista Records.  
  
======================  
  
**SPOILERS** This is set in the beginning of the Kyoto Arc...you have been warned!  
  
~~...~~ song lyrics  
  
'...' thoughts  
  
"..." dialogue  
  
  
  
~~Verse 1~~  
  
I didn't hear you leave,  
  
I wonder how am I still here.  
  
I don't want to move a thing,  
  
It might change my memory.  
  
~~  
  
May 14th. She stared at the calendar on the wall. May 14th. She blinked a few times, and looked again. May 14th. The date doesn't change.  
  
"Ken-nisan! Where are you?" The piping voice of Suzume reached her ears. The sound of running feet echoed in the unnaturally silent hallways.  
  
'Kenshin would be cleaning the floors right about now.' She listened for the soft swish of cloth against floor, but the only noise she heard was Ayame and Suzume calling for their Ken-nisan. She sighed, and stared at the wall. May 14th.  
  
"Ken-nisan isn't here!" The plaintive sob resonated in her mind. Her eyes blurred as the tears started to fall. May 14th. 'If I stay in bed and don't move, I won't have to face the fact that Kenshin is...' She thought back to the previous night, to her last sight of Kenshin, amidst the fireflies.  
  
'Kaoru-dono. Thank you for everything, and...good-bye.'  
  
~~Chorus~~  
  
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want,  
  
But I can't hide.  
  
I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe,  
  
Until you're resting here with me.  
  
I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be,  
  
Until you're resting here with me.  
  
~~  
  
"Kenshin..."  
  
The tears slowly stopped. Her thoughts kept returning to Kenshin, his face when he left, the feel of his strong arms around her. The sudden need to be close to him caused her to sit up on her futon. Her lethargy suddenly vanished and she frantically rushed toward Kenshin's room. Another memory drifted through her mind, and she stopped in her tracks.  
  
'He took everything...I already checked last night,' she recalled, her shoulders drooping. She forced her feet to start moving once more, her mind curiously blank of all thoughts. When she came to her senses, she realized that she had unwittingly walked into the dojo. Her body shook, and she slowly sank to her knees.  
  
"Kenshin..." she murmured. Her eyes remained dry as images of the red- haired rurouni appeared before her. Kenshin, cleaning the floor of the dojo. Kenshin, repairing a hole in the wall with Sanosuke's help. Kenshin, giving Yahiko pointers. Kenshin, playing with Ayame and Suzume.  
  
'I wanted to go after him...but I couldn't.' Her chest was tight with pain as she again remembered him walking away from her. The flickering fireflies had cast a peculiar glow, giving just enough light to see her heart abandoning her. 'I couldn't go after him when he left...because he said good-bye. That one word stopped everything.'  
  
'Thank you for everything, and...good-bye.'  
  
~~Verse 2~~  
  
I don't want to call my friends,  
  
They might wake me from this dream.  
  
And I can't leave this bed,  
  
Risk forgetting all that's been.  
  
~~  
  
She was still sitting there in the dojo, gazing at the phantoms from her memory, when Tae-san and Tsubame-chan arrived. The two of them looked at each other with worried expressions, then walked through the door.  
  
"Kaoru-chan, what's wrong? What are you doing here?" Tae-san helped her to her feet and slowly led her from the dojo. "You know, everyone is worried about you. Yahiko came by this morning to ask us to look in on you."  
  
She walked woodenly toward her room. Tae-san kept a death grip on her arm and chattered away. She barely noticed when Tae-san motioned to Tsubame, who immediated changed course for the kitchen. As they entered the room, her gaze automatically went to the calendar. May 14th.  
  
'He left, and I couldn't follow.' She felt dead inside, numb, exhausted. The thought that had caused her heart to wrench in anguish just moments before did nothing to her now. 'Perhaps that's for the best. No sorrow...no pain...no Kenshin.'  
  
Tae-san adjusted the blankets around her, still making inane comments that she didn't pay any attention to. She stared at her clenched fists, not looking up when Tsubame-chan entered the room, her small hands holding a tray.  
  
"Please, Kaoru-san," Tsubame whispered. "You should eat something."  
  
She transferred her gaze to the tray and felt repulsed by the steaming bowl of food. 'A feeling...I thought I was all out of them.' She swallowed hard, trying to rid herself of the sudden nausea she experienced.  
  
"I don't want it." Irrational anger swept through her as the other two tried to convince her to eat. "I said I don't want to eat! Please don't bother me!" The unexpected surge of rage died out just as quickly as it began. "Just leave me alone..." she whimpered, fighting back a fresh wave of tears.  
  
And then the door opened.  
  
~~Chorus~~  
  
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want,  
  
But I can't hide.  
  
I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe,  
  
Until you're resting here with me.  
  
I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be,  
  
Until you're resting here with me.  
  
~~  
  
  
  
Notes:  
  
1) Obviously, this is what happened after Kenshin left for Kyoto, told from Kaoru's viewpoint.  
  
2) Let me know what you think! ^_^  
  
3) If I get enough feedback, I might do a third installment of this songfic "series." ^_~ *wink, wink* Hmm...maybe continue this with Megumi? 


End file.
